all that glitters isn't gold
by kat3.alwaysxox
Summary: Tawni Hart is nothing but a hard shell and an empty heart.


_I love Tawni. I think there is so much potential there as a character. Her bitterness just makes me think of heartbreak, so here is a little bit of angst I found gathering dust in some file from last year. Funny how some things come when you least expect them. Not beta'd, so don't hate for mistakes. (Just tell me about them instead :))_

_Like it? Hate it? Review please?_

_It'd be very much appreciated :)_

* * *

_all that glitters isn't gold._

_Tawni Hart is nothing but a hard shell and an empty heart._

* * *

When Tawni was a little girl, she had that shared dream.

The one with the white picket fence, the freshly cut lawn, a suit wearing husband, a pearl necklace and 2.5 children.

She played it out with her Barbie dolls over and over again.

It all seemed so_ e a s y_.

(By the time she turns 15, all her Barbies lay b.e.h.e.a.d.e.d in the trash)

Tawni doesn't remember moving to LA.

She was too young at the time.

All that's engraved in her memory are twinkling lights and growing up in double speed.

When she's 11, she goes to H O L L Y W O O D.

She remembers everything.

(Because H O L L Y W O O D changes everything.)

"Tawni, baby, you're working **b i g t i m e** now." Her mother smiles. "Don't you want to be a _star_?"

A _star_.

The word glows & shines & _**glitters**_ in Tawni's mind. She nods her head animatedly at her mother.

"Well, _stars_ aren't fat. So drink this. It helps makes you p-r-e-t-t-y."

Tawni barely takes a second look at the ugly liquid before she swallows it.

It's **disgusting**, and she wonders how something so ugly can make someone p-r-e-t-t-y.

But within a week, she's down a dress size, and what the liquid looks like doesn't matter as much.

Neither do the stomach pains, the burn of the hair bleach, or the hot wax on her legs.

Because she's p-r-e-t-t-y and soon she'll be a _star_, and everyone will want to be her.

(Tawni wonders if Barbie goes through this kind of :PAIN:.)

Tawni is barely 14 when she falls in -love-.

He's 15; tall & dark & handsome & has already been named a _**h e a r t t h r o b**_.

Her mother approves because 'he's good publicity'.

He takes her to expensive places & buys her nice things & let's her hang off of his arm, showing her off like an expensive, shiny t r o p h y.

(He doesn't even mind when she slipped up that one day and called him Ken instead of James.)

He breaks up with her the day she signs the contract to be on _So Random!_.

It's two days before her birthday, and he tells her that he just doesn't feel the !**sparks**! anymore, but she knows it's because of that dark-haired model he's been texting.

Tawni doesn't cry, because it'd smear her make-up. She doesn't yell, because that'd show she's not in control of the situation. She doesn't whine, because that'd show she's insecure. Tawni Hart is not w**.**e**.**a**.**k, is not _i-n-s-e-c-u-r-e_, and is always i n c o n t r o l. So, she waits until she gets home. As soon as she walks through the front door, she storms up to her closet, pulls out countless old shoeboxes, and destroys any Barbie or Ken she can get her perfectly manicured hands on. That'll show them to mess with Tawni Hart.

(However, she still keeps the Barbie dream house.)

Her mother makes the whole break-up into a H O L L Y W O O D sob story.

A teenage //tragedy//.

Tawni's even forced to wear _polyester pants_ to show how heartbroken she is.

The only thing is she's really not heartbroken.

In fact, the only thing she feels is _**itchy**_ from the polyester pants.

(She kind of hates it, because feeling :PAIN: is even better then feeling nothing _**at all**_.)

Tawni wakes up one morning, looks in the mirror, and doesn't recognize herself.

All she sees is dyed-blonde hair, and _pro trud ing_ bones, and **soulless**, steal blue eyes.

(All she recognizes is H O L L Y W O O D.)

She doesn't sleep much, because she lies awake thinking instead.

One night, her mind drifts to the thought that her life is a [**lie**].

It's built up on _skeletons__** in**__ closets_ and _**fake**__d __**perfect**__ion_.

The only problem is about this t w i s t e d thought, is she just doesn't care.

That's why she goes to the bathroom and grabs a razor.

She pulls up her white tank, and lifts the razor to her moisturized stomach, carefully creating a series of zigzagged lines.

(She stares at them for a minute before going back to bed because it's the most beautiful artwork she's ever seen.)

When she's 16, Sonny Monroe arrives at the studio.

Sonny Monroe is bright eyed & has a huge smile stretching across her face & Tawni decides that she's going to do everything in her power to make sure Sonny doesn't end up like she did.

So she becomes a bitch and pushes Sonny away, preparing her for the harsh reality of H O L L Y W O O D.

Tawni doesn't care that Sonny **h a t e** **s** her.

(Because Sonny will t**.**h**.**a**.**n**.**k her later.)

Tawni starts having weird dreams about fairytales.

They continue for about three weeks before they suddenly stop.

Four days after they stop, Tawni bursts into the dressing room, dramatically crying: "I'm sick!"

She describes her flushed color and sweaty palms and nauseated stomach and her tight feeling chest, but all Sonny does is laugh.

"You're not sick. You're in -love-."

Tawni spends over a month trying to figure out who she's in -love- with before she realizes she was just in -love- with fairytale dreams of princes and princesses, and the idea they portrayed of having someone to -love- _her_.

(The idea that she finally wasn't just a _d a m s e l in d i __s__t__r__e__s__s_.)

Tawni Hart isn't disappointed when she finds out that she was in -love- with a dream.

She's not surprised.

Or hurt.

Or angry.

Or anything.

All she does is smile and scoff when Sonny asks why looks so tired.

(Because if there's one thing she's good at in this world it's not caring.)

It's all a letdown.

She builds her hopes and dreams up, and watches as they tumble down around her.

(It's ok by this point, though, because she kind of expects it.)

It's Tawni's 17th birthday, and Sonny buys her a mood ring.

The Randoms joke that maybe it will finally help them figure out what's really going on in Tawni Hart's head.

She just lets out a _**fake**_ giggle, and slips the ring on her finger.

_C L E A R- e m o t i o n l e s s_

She slips the ring off before anyone else can see, and claims that it lit up blue, explaining how thoughtful of a gift it was and how she plans on making it into a necklace.

(It ends up in the trash where the Barbies once were, along with her dreams and the Barbie dream house.)

There were a few minutes one day, when she thought she might be .happy.

She was walks out of Starbucks with her soy latte, and everything seems so peaceful; like the world is running in slow motion.

But the moment goes by so quickly, she wasn't sure the feeling was even real.

(And she was never really sure what it felt like to begin with.)

Gorgeous people like her become heartbreakers.

"_It's all in the _image_."_ Her mother says.

So, Tawni becomes a heartbreaker.

Making sure people feel the ::PAIN::.

(Giving them things that she could never have.)

She doesn't care that she has a reputation with the press, because the comments don't even pierce her scarred skin, let alone sink through to her poisoned brain or stone heart.

The **h a t e r s** -love- her.

She plots her next moves, drops some hearts, ruptures a couple names, lives in her bubble of perfection, and weaves little webs of lies and betrayal.

Why?

_She's a cold, calculating bitch._

**She's a soulless, bitter heartbreaker.**

She's an unequivocal, boisterous slut. 

(She's a broken, lonely little girl.)

_Tawni Hart is nothing but a H-A-R-D-S-H-E-L-L and an e m p t y __h__e__a__r__t__._

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_Fin._

_Well there's the random angst for you. So, "I thought it was the most awful, atrocious thing I've ever read." or "I loved it, OMG, perfect twisted Tawni!"? Tell me in a review, please? Thank you._

_P.S. I originally had little seperators under every bracket... It looked a little better, and a little less mish-mashed together. Please ignore ff's stupidity of not allowing me to have my original format._


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